She said her name was "party"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
