girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
