so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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