Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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