One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
