If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
