No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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