i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
