he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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