I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
