Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
