she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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