Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
