Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
