I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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