i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
