I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
