So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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