Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
