the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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