Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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