Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
