So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
