Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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