her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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