mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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