I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
