now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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