But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
