He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
