I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
