I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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