I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
