There was a lot of him and a little penis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
