The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
