Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
