There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
