i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
