What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You can't motorboat a personality
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
