I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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