yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
