Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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