it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
