is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
