Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
