He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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