Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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