Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
