I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
