I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No subtext here. People are naked.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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